My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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