the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
