I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
