Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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