I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you win again, gameday.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
