She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize