I won't be sarcastic... just naked
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
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As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
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I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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