After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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