Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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