shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
