I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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