sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
