; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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