just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
