I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize