I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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