Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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