So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
