Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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