paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
