Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
