Jerry, you need to find god
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
