I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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