I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
