I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
