Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
