I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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