you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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