i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
