i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?