Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
