Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
your room smells of hookers.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?