I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.