my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
