I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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