I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize