fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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