I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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