umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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