Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
