So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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