It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
