I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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