It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
