You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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