I bet he comes in French.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
