i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
