I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
