nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You need Xanax blowdarts
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
