do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Green mimosas i think yes
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
