**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
