It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
