she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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