She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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