I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize