your thong is hanging out like whoa
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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