Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
