The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
