We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
organizing the empties. That sober.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
