Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
