I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
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Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
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Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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