New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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