OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you will always have a special place in my vag
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
