'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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