worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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