I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize