Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
